Steve Turner – Humanist Creed

Who are we? What is our creed?

We believe in Marx, Freud and Darwin.

We believe everything is okay as long as you don’t hurt anyone, to the best of your definition of hurt, and the best of your definition of knowledge.

We believe in sex before, during and after marriage.

We believe in the therapy of sin.

We believe that adultery is fun.

We believe that sodomy is okay.

We believe that taboos are taboo.

We believe that everything is getting better despite evidence to the contrary. The evidence must be investigated and you can prove anything with evidence.

We believe there’s something in horoscopes, UFOs and bent spoons.

Jesus was a good man just like Buddha, Mohammed and ourselves.

He was a good moral teacher although we think some of his good morals were basically bad.

We believe that all religions are basically the same, at least  the ones that we read were. They all believe in love and goodness. They only differ on matters of creation, sin, Heaven, Hell, God, and salvation.

We believe that after death comes the nothing because when you ask the dead what happens they say nothing.

If death is not the end and the dead have lied then it’s compulsory Heaven for all, excepting perhaps Hitler, Stalin and Genghis Khan.

We believe in Masters and Johnson; what’s selected is average, what’s average is normal, what’s normal is good.

We believe in total disarmament, because we believe there are direct links between warfare and bloodshed. Americans should beat their guns into tractors and the Russians will be sure to follow.

We believe that man is essentially good; it’s only his behaviour that lets him down. This is the fault of society, society is the fault of conditions, and conditions are the fault of society.

We believe that each man must find the truth that is right for him and reality will adapt accordingly. The universe will readjust, history will alter.

We believe that there is no absolute truth, except the truth that there is no absolute truth.

We believe in the rejection of creeds and the flowering of individual thought.


If chance be the father of all flesh, disaster is his rainbow in the sky.

And when you hear “state of emergency,” “sniper kills ten,” “youths go looting,” “troops on rampage,” “bomb blasts school,”

It is but the sound of Man worshiping his maker.

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