Some decisions I just don’t know. When you have no-one to go to for advice, no books left to consult, what can you turn to? You’re left to your own devices. How do I know I can trust my intuitions? How do I know I can trust my reasoning? When you’re incapable of discerning what you want, let alone what you should want, how then can you know that your motives are pure, when you know that the deeper you seek within yourself, all there is to find is your own fallen, deceptive heart? What shall I convince myself to do? Of course, I shall convince myself to do that which I have been convinced is right. Well. I feel like I could persuade myself to take whichever path I choose.
I cannot trust myself. I dare not trust myself. But I must trust myself; there is no way to choose to do something I haven’t chosen to do. I cannot escape trusting myself.
All I can do is somehow trust God, that he is going to make something good out of whatever stupid thing I do next.